Konmari'd Books

Just one of the bookshelves.

My attachment to books goes all the way back to childhood spent as a bookworm. As I still have books loved since then, this category was going to be an emotional one.

(Nevermind the shoulder pain that made it hard to move efficiently.)

Even with the many stops and starts I finished it before the end of the day, which I am proud to say.

Just to note, this session was about just my books and my child's books. Mum's books are still in the cupboards, mostly inaccessible because of boxes. And they would have added another emotional layer anyway having already gone through a cull of them to get them into that space.

Just one of the art storage space, including reference books.

I started with piling all the books onto the bed. It took a few goes as just as I started on a few books, I remembered some more from other locations.

Still not the entire collection...

Once I got them sorted into piles of keep, sell, donate, and bin, I took an interlude to do a Facebook Live, and also to plug Kylie Stretton's "Finding Kylie".

I will need to decide which secondhand bookshop I will approach, and whether to take just these or with mum's as well.

As books have now been lined up in the shelves not stacked on top of each other, there is space on the shelves, and I also have one free space which can be utilised!

Two girls in lonely space...

Shelves

Children's Books, including my old books.

As much as it is a dream to be surrounded by books, and what they may symbolise, ultimately I want to have an index of books that are this joyous, inside and out:

*full discretion that I have yet to read this one*

Recognising Conditioning

They say a pattern is formed earlier in life, and that assumptions about life is made during strong emotions. The very early memory will less likely have details of specific events. And most events either lose details or become forgotten with time, unless prompted.

I had forgotten these two events for a very long time, and a few days of active questioning for them to surface. Both events are from when I was about 8 or 9.

One was mum making a decision for me to part with a clothing item. I didn't particularly like it nor it fitted me properly because I got too big. I don't remember the exact conversation about it, just mum expressing her frustration and me not liking the entire experience. I decided not to have any more opinions about what I wear, and it was from then on confirmed over and over that she didn't approve my own choices of clothes.

Second was a strong desire to just pull everything out from all the drawers and cover the entire floor with my stuff. And then I went into fear about the consequences of what if I really did, which made me not take that action. I already didn't like putting things away, and then stayed in fear about the imagined consequences of doing something about it.

I have yet to come to the earliest memories of why I don't like cleaning, or tidy spaces. It may even not be from this lifetime. I have read some theories about how hoarding could be from a life of poverty.

Before sundown, before we got eaten too much by mosquitoes, I pulled out a few weeds.